Omission Heals Our Deepest Wounds

youtu.be/iyu04pqC8lE  my Song selection for this Post..

Have you ever felt like an underachiever? It reminds me of how I am feeling when I take this step usually. Being in and out of recovery, I have found that the hardest step is the first step, as I am usually doing this one from the bottom of a run.
It is the hardest but the most beautiful step, beautiful because my heart surrenders to positive possibilities, letting go of our dark (control) and stay in the light (Faith) where the healing immediately begins. Admitting my powerlessness relieves me of the mechanism that is addiction by not using. It is a law of the Universe, that if I stop hurting myself I am immediately healing.

I have felt that "healing" start every time I take Step One. I let go of the habit and I'm no longer blocking the eternal light by 'my using's' darkness. The very MOMENT I surrender is also the same moment I'm in the right mind and on the correct path that will eventually alleviate personal challenges, allowing for the healing rays to come through. Being humble enough to let that shred of light shine in, becomes my reward and my low key celebration! It always feels good to finally leave the darkness and suffering from the hope of the Light.
If you have read my blog posts, you may have heard me talk about systems which is something I was blessed to see through the Light and my willingness. There are but two systems, as

One is of the LIGHT and the other is of the DARKNESS. Addiction is definitely a "system" of the darkness or Satan and his followers. Recovery is a system of the Light, or the Lord and His Ways. If you have read my blog posts, you may have heard me talk about systems, which is something I was blessed to see the Light of Truth and my willingness. There are but two systems, as was made clear to me through my dreams and a personal awareness of the metaphysical energy in our lives.Addiction is definitely a "system" of the darkness or of Satan and his followers. Recovery is a system of the Light, or the Lord and His Ways. 
I am more finitely aware of these systems because I was born into Christianity and tasted of the Light of Truth and Loved it. I loved Christ so much that I declared war on anything less than His all-encompassing Light of Truth. I felt immense love for the values and fundamental beliefs that Christ taught and followed. I believed in it with my WHOLE HEART!!


Believing it with my whole heart is great! I was a young child when I gained my testimony for the Lord and then I lived my life and these dark systems started coming down on me whenever I gave in to temptations. When I was a tween my foundation for all my beliefs were shaken and eventually I turned my back on my beloved Lord. I was emotionally ignorant and my Light filled testimony struggled by my silent lessons on behavior...

Such as: if you're a "bigger bully" than the next person you win!! That action seemed to be King in my house growing up. My families, emotional security was taken from one another because of our name-calling, yelling, put-downs, and other dark systems we had, ad infinitum...
Absolutely I blamed my parents for my lack of manageability in my life! At first using that "blame" to fuel anger, hurt, and poor behavior. I don't think I ever blamed them for me using as I feel that should be on me.

Because generational trauma and abuse occurred in my lineage, I felt inferior early on. I didn't know the word for it but knew it wasn't meant for me!! The co-dependent/ACOA lifestyle or just plain Addict Alcoholic trauma came through my alcoholic families generations, breaking our families livelihood.

For instance, I had a dream about my 1920's family on earth and saw what my family was really dealing with. I saw how verbal, physical and other abuse was like we were whittling away our honesty and general welfare through the years. Compounding negative messages and bearing a scarred soul, the traumatic messages were continued, darkening my ancestor's whits. I've seen others born into poverty financially and then followed by the poverty of the Spirit, soon after.

Keeping secrets is apart of that dark system or spiritual poverty we endured together. All generations I had known lived with horrible life skills and self-obsessing distractions in our childhoods. Eventually, I found other reasons why I struggled so hard with life on life's terms. Childhood depression, as well as a myriad of learning and mental disabilities, that was given to me at birth.

I'm not sure when the depression started in my childhood or how but, I believe trying to sufficiently replace my thyroid gland, was what had failed. Lacking serotonin because I didn't get enough of the Synthroid to help regulate it seems highly plausible... I don't know why I had childhood depression for sure as my mind was unable to "see" such dangers like low self-esteem at a young age. Along with the disabilities, I'm surprised I made it out of High School at all.


 


Generational alcoholism wasn't on my face because my parents quit their own drinking and using to join a church and raise a family in it. Switching from a system of Dark to Light, my parents proudly threw their shoulders into it, but with generational ignorance and our bad coping techniques, It gave me insight into who I was and eventually understanding why everything was confusing and chaotic for me growing up.
GAism...
Gen...
Alcohol...
ism..
And my own personal defects I could do nothing about is why everything was tough for me growing up. It was like moving backward not forward when I was born. It seems that back was meant to happen in my life, along with the friction that occurred on a functional level for me. My choices were purposeful. I didn't just blindly drink or use just to do so. I thought about every inch of my choices, believing I should sacrifice my joy to help the sorrow of others, so they don't have to go to Hell. Using wasn't at first, what it would eventually become to me. I believed I wanted to find the answers and that
it was my choice to fall down this path because I would change my neglectful habits. To ease the generational tribulation by finding all the right answers was my expectation for myself and my family. If I showed my family what was wrong with us then they would find the right way right?
 It's Faith. It keeps coming back to exercising faith in things hoped for that are good. I found a way back to beginning a faithful life from a better viewpoint because of my bad habits. My own heart has been resurrected several times because I chose to become repentant and obedient after I gained my sobriety.
I didn't have faith in much of anything and honestly felt confused about many things in my life. Eventually, I would have more spiritual experiences inside and outside my church that nurtured my soul with its system of LIGHT!!

Systems of the dark using generational tactics to wear down families, really is the design. To keep us in the same familial bondage as we entered in by becoming prisoners by taking away our choices. It is the Dark Systems method and reasons to reign over us, so that we become diluted and weakened. Using confusion and misguidance, are of the Devil and His followers...er the Beguiled One's, they say..

"They" who have had plenty of time to adjust themselves for the next round of victims. Having acquired the most damage by the lies crafted to create doubt and fear around our primal drives for life.

If Satan can get to the children leading them to disvalue themselves, as their parents did, is creating the biggest system of darkness. When a family doesn't have the light of the Truth, then they don't know the solutions.
Our generational problem right now is that dearth of darkness covering the whole earth as our numbers of "Souls Taken" skyrockets and we turn to ANYTHING, but the light for recourse. Many of us who once had God, eventually edges him out... continuing as our spiritually infantile selves, trying to "make it" in this DARK world. It's been shown to me how easily the Dark System will take over our minds, once it has taken our choices. We become drunken by our own pride and obsessions losing our way to the Light, becoming darkened. It is
"Our Latter-Day sickness" affecting my family tremendously.

I've battled both sides and always come back to the light or the way of the truth. I've studied Christ and have come to "Know Him". His perfect intentions come through in my prayers with Him and my studying.
My heart belongs to Christ and how I show Love to Him is by talking about my Love for the Light Systems. Nurturing my relationship with Him by polishing up my personal discipleship.
Being able to honor His Light Systems is exciting to me! Life isn't breathed unless the Work of the Light is moving inside us. Only by my actionable faith do I recieve the peace, joy and loving feelings my Spirit Longs For.. Faith, is not mysterious. It is a big big big part of the Light, on When we use actionable Faith..like the Light, it is simple and doable. Not fighting it seems to be my best advice..


I love myself for leaving the bondage of my early childhood thinking and feeling. For me to learn how to survive the end of our World with my well being so defunct is something I can feel great about! I did the work and walked through many facets to find recovery, soon gaining miraculous stability is something else!!

Having been enlightened thousands of times before I ever saw what exactly were my issues was annoying, but I knew it would take time. Even after discovering my learning and thinking disabilities, it took me awhile to feel comfortable doing the work around them. There was no confusion as to why I had them and no question on how to address them...

I had learned to live life on life's terms, with the help of my Light Systems... The Lord would come to my places of misery and despair whenever I asked Him to, eventually building my Faith in Him and the reassurance I'm always greeted by when He Visits. Honoring His Light Systems is enough for me. Keeping my testimony bright, and being faithful to Him will be a joy again...
  
I believe this is the recipe for addiction:
Lack of self-confidence..
being ignorant about social cues
and appropriate social behavior
gaining an inferiority complex with

a bruised ego,
fleshing out humanity to our enslaver...
Losing our fundamentally better
personal habits, having
Lost our AWE for LIFE
A Child of God
confused and completely dumbfounded
with my "Clay Tabernacle", fully
distressed by my ignorance
losing faith in myself and
being quietly led far away...
.. from my childhood beliefs
and Dreams..
Final Thought:
Life is Fair although I played
the victim forever..
I could've honored
my beliefs in the Lord...
exercising faith and
obedience to all those challenges,
but made a different choice.. a selfish
and self-loathing choice in the system of the Dark..
not meant for me alone,
but anyone that will fall prey
to the lies they hear, changing our
music to become a tune of misery,
isolation and self-shame, without room for
our once Light filled dreams and purposes..
God Speed and God Blesss..NLM