Caution: Descriptive Language Ahead
This morning I woke up from a terrifying nightmare trying to catch my breath. My heart raced and sweat popped up all over my body. The dream immersed me into an unforgettable and paralyzing dread and terror. After struggling then recovering my senses I tried to understand it.
The nightmare in "set" in a modern-day dystopia and I am "inside" another person thing. I can feel 'It's' near-fatal wounds all over.. 'It's/My' body lying in a bed in a medical facility. 'It'/I was waiting to see a professional, fearful that my life was ending.
As I waited in suspense, I kept hearing this rattlesnake shake. That sound sent waves of terror through me. The rattlesnake shake sound is impending punishment for 'It'. For the justice over the 'bad things' 'It' had done.
(Break from the dream)
I thought it was Satan and his followers torturing me with this nightmare. But after thinking about, the similarities in my life, I was helped to realize it was a message. Someone was sending me a message from the 'other side' that I found out was urgent.
You see I had hit the wall at 1000 mph after a year-long tenacious relapse. Hitting that wall was so devastating in every way, that I knew I needed to end my 'run' immediately. Never before had I been so tapped. I knew I needed to stop immediately. No doctor needed to tell me this, I could feel it in my bones. My mortality was coming to a close if I didn't. Being an addict and going in and out of sobriety, I knew my limits as it has been a part of my recovery process. This lapse was different as it was longer than any other I've had. My actual using was the most tenacious as well, creating a heart-attack of an ending. I never want to be there again.
My dream was an alert for me to wake up or get comfortable with an afterlife in hell.
(Back to dream)I started out in this person/things body, but I was also watching a story unfold in my dream from the sidelines.There was a shot of familiar faces. It was of young men I had known when I was younger. (back then I saw them as hotties with confidence and style).
(Break) They grew up in homes that led them away from the light. They used mind-altering substances stealing, lying and cheating others. Living a life already wrought with dark thoughts and behavior back in the day it made sense (only after this dream) to see the menacing and dark attributes they held as adults.
I felt sad watching the spiritual decimation of my friends. There was a feeling of dark finality coming for the person/thing and for these young men in my dream.
I Saw present-day details of the way these men and their GF's had secrets they kept to keep their game afloat. Those secrets ranged from taking from others to hurting or killing each other. This showed me a system they used to get want they want.
My heart aches for anyone that is spiritually ignorant. I believe in the truth of Jesus Christ and the Atonement, wholly. I've been in the light for years at a time and I was still deceived. It was also shown to me how Satan fooled me into believing that morally I justified for my behavior. I thought my testimony was so bright and infallible that I could use mind-altering substances and still find my way back to the Lord, NO MATTER WHAT. My heart hurts to know that I had given up on my Lord's plan in a small way that would later place the safety of my soul in jeopardy. It was an awful realization for me which ROCKED MY WORLD!!
One of the last scenes in my dream was about the four of them fighting. They kill each other. I was 'inside' one of them, and could feel the anger that fueled the fighting. Then, the regret and fear, that settled in as he lay dying.
The story of 'The thing', involved people who were too smart.. to be of any support, to help "it" out. They were obstinate, angry and prideful. They were too "smart". They too were a mechanism, that supported all this fear and hate. It was under the same cloak of darkness I had seen throughout my dream (deceit). Everywhere I looked at and everything I knew was awful. It felt like a grimy coat of Evil had laid over the picture of this dream.
The thing received help from others, who too, were down in the depths of a personal crisis. Some of those boys were there, (before they all died) to instigate ruin and terror upon 'it'. Yet, it was the boys that got ruin and terror in the end.
Soon, the "thing" had to have surgery by a sophisticated machine. It had all the bad parts cut off. It was free from the debauchery of it's earlier actions that somehow self-led it to its near demise.
Back to the fight.
After they had all died, I walked over to where one of their Mother's was sitting. She was busy doing something. I ignored it and grabbed a lighter near her. She became unglued, wondering LOUDLY, where her (quirky nickname) had gone. That's when I saw a bloody half used syringe next to her. I was screaming at her that (QUIRKY NICKNAME) was right next to her, but she couldn't see it.
That was when I realized, the stories revolved around using and drugs. My dream was saying, 'this is what happens, over time, when people use'. It showed me things I couldn't see before.
Everything had all changed from the pure spirits they were. Having been the furthest from the light.
Then unsaid,(I imagine/believe this) Satan takes his winnings, into a place, like my horror of a dream! To reign endless terror upon them in his Dark dark dark kingdom, where NO LIGHT is allowed!!
I'm still shaking...